My Husband is Writing Again!

I am excited, my husband Jello has a regular spot with Queereka as a writer (he has done it for a couple other places). He has his first article there entitled "But it's just a compliment". He is talking about his experience before his change and how men would aggressively harass a woman on the street.

It is a great article, he is a great writer and this Sunday he will be in a panel as well.

I am so proud of him!

A bit of anxiety

I have noticed over the last few weeks that my wonderful husband's change is coming along well with the testosterone shot. I also noticed that I have some preconceived notions on behavior of men.

Lately I have been more anxious about Jello wanting to bail. I have always had a bit of a self esteem problem, but it has escalated and I couldn't tell you why until last week. It dawned on me that a very small part of me isn't sure how to believe a guy wants to stick with their spouse like a gal would.

I know that makes no sense, I am a guy and I am devoted to my husband, with no doubts on how much I love him. I for some reason never  questioned that a woman could if she decided be the same way and stay with a partner. Yet, there is some sort of inbuilt idea that you can't trust that a guy will (except me of course, which is another break in my logic that doesn't make sense). Strangely enough, this goes for hetero relationships, I haven't ever doubted that a homosexual relationship can be as devoted (yes, I completely realize another break in my logic is that part of me still hasn't fully changed my outlook that I am in a gay marriage now, I know it and I tell everyone but evidently it is still percolating).

Of course I suspect the majority of my actual stress is overworking. Long days, with less than five hours of sleep a night is resulting in my anxiety level being higher. Since the transition is one of the biggest events currently in my life I suspect it becomes the focus of that stress. So in the end what I am saying is nothing bad is happening, I just have little outbreaks of anxiety. Things are going well, I just wanted to whine a bit. :)

One other point, I guess this is saying something good for the shift for Jello, the process is slow but happening enough that it triggers weird things in me.

First Introductions

I realize it has been a little bit since my last post. Unfortunately my work has been a killer so I apologize, I should be posting more now.

Yesterday was the first time I introduced my husband as my husband to new people. Up until now I haven't really met anyone new in our group. They all are aware of Jello and are fully supportive. Yesterday we decided to go check out the local gaming store, I was considering purchasing my first set of Warhammer 40k figs in about twenty years.

We showed up at the store and in normal gamer geek friendliness we were swamped with three different gentleman who wanted to show us around the store. It was funny though, one of them stopped and looked at Jello for a few seconds. I don't think he meant at all to be rude, rather you could see he was adjusting his thought pattern. Jello passes if someone doesn't look closely (the T is starting to work, but he looks like a very little kid at the moment if people don't notice the boobs, which will be fixed within a year). The new person looked him over and hesitated. After a few seconds they obviously made some decision on Jello and went back to normal.

I think the initial judgment by that gentleman was that Jello was a girl, since he did a double take when I referenced Jello as my husband and as a he in our conversation. Even so they were all very nice, and honestly their reactions were very fair. When I got home I thanked them on the facebook page for the store for how they made me and my husband feel very welcome. I got over dozen replies from them and others welcoming us. So at least at an initial glance my first introduction to new people with my husband went well.

I do have to admit I was a bit nervous. Now we are entering a phase where the world will see me in a homosexual relationship. I honestly have no personal problems with that, but its new territory. I am a bit terrified that I will get the push back for being gay from the straight people I meet, but that I won't be accepted by the LGBT community. I have read a lot lately that some people have never been accepted within the gay community and I do worry my social/friend status will be cut short because I don't fit in to any group anymore.

I suspect I will be writing a lot about that. My focus has been so much on supporting my husband I really haven't talked or thought about the push back I will get. Although I do have an advantage, I grew up in a house of feral dogs and I love fighting. I do look forward to being in someone's face and telling them what I think of them (whether its because they are dissing me or my husband won't matter... actually I will probably be ten times more aggressive if they diss my husband).

So as a warning, there will probably be lots of posts about this in the future.

First Month on Testosterone

First month update from the husband about the changes he has had from testosterone.