Christmas Eve 2013

I am a little late in posting, but I wanted to say my first family gathering with Jello and his in-laws went extraordinarily well.

I don't want to sound horrible by saying I was worried, but I was. My parents and siblings have all been supportive, but I haven't seen my siblings since Jello came out (especially my sister) face to face.

They were incredibly good to Jello. My family isn't what you would call respectful to anything, our jokes are always inappropriate, and balances just on the edge of unacceptable.

Not much detail to go into honestly, they asked a few questions and were quite clear the whole time that they still loved Jello. They apologized that it would take time to change the pronouns, but even I still make mistakes when I am not thinking.
It was a good Christmas Eve (sorry that's all I have this morning).

Morning wakeup

Woke up this morning not feeling good (I feel fine now that I am up moving around). Jello and I have talked for several years of getting yearly portraits done. We mean well, but either due to money, time or just not getting around to it we put it off.

This morning I woke up upset that we hadn't started it already years ago. Don't get me wrong, not a single regret with what Jello is doing, rather just a regret I didn't record more before the transition I guess.

I sat up for a few minutes with that regret, then I felt another wave of being bad/regretful that I even had those feelings in the first place. I am happy in my marriage and with my husband (and I was happy with it when I woke up and felt bad about the past, not about the current situaiton). I guess I am just maudlin this morning.

Something Different!

I realize it isn't really on "subject" for the blog, but sharing anything about my husband should be here. So here is a photo of my wonderful husband and cat, Jello and Marmalade.

Quiet Moment/Jello Video

Just wanted to pop in here for two reasons. One is to showoff Jello’s most recent video about testosterone and his transition.

Second is to just say that things are going well. My job has keep me working so much that every moment with Jello is treasured. His reaction to T is going well, and remarkably he has been working out and starting to show some muscles. I told him he better not get bigger muscles then me :).

I will hopefully update more soon.

Unnecessary Anxiety

I have to admit there has been a bit of anxiety when it came to the prospect of sex after Jello started taking T. Don't get me wrong, I don't think logically there would be any difference, but I emotionally was worried that J wouldn't find me attractive, or that something might be different in our chemistry, or that T would cause some other change.

Well for the first time in months we were able to connect fully. School is over for Jello, I was off from work and not totally wiped out and the T had started so that anxiety was over. We connected just as well if not better then we had before. I realize a lot of changes are coming and that this is only the second week of T, but just this small step reassured my illogical anxiety.

I noticed a couple of things. One is that the rumors that T makes the transitioning person more sensitive does seem to be accurate, and from what he has told me the libido has also increased. All good things. To be honest though, I think the biggest reason for the intensity between us was that Jello could be who he really is. It makes me happy that he can feel like he can be himself. His happiness makes everything worth it for me.

I just wanted to say that its nice that the anxiety lessens a bit. It really does give me hope for the future.

First shot of T

My husband got his first shot of T last Friday. I am both excited and proud, yet a little bit sad/worried. We uploaded a video of the shot.

I am very happy. His anxiety has decreased, he has been smiling a lot and I really do think this fits for him. I was happy to be there. I did have a short time of anxiety, but that passed incredibly quickly though.

I know he is worried I won't be interested after his change and I am positive he is wrong there. I love him more than anything and I am not leaving. However, even if that did happen I think this is important that he does it. He would have stayed a woman if I had objected, but no one should ever limit themselves from the fear of losing someone. He needs to be who he is, not who society expects.

I am proud of him, oh and yes that is me filming and making inappropriate comments with my incredibly shaky cam. I promise to work on the filming in the future :).

The Appointment

My husband posted another video, about his first appointment. I was there during the appointment and it went really well. He is pretty fantastic (Jello, the person talking in the video :)).

If ReinventingLucky is following you... it's me.

I just realized that for some reason I am only able to follow all of you as “reinventing lucky” I just wanted to say I am following you, but evidently under my normal day to day blog. They are the one and the same person, just one is my trans/gender identity blog and the other is everything else (separated out so if someone wants to read my gender/marriage blog they aren’t stuck reading everything else).

Wow, I evidently type like MoJo JoJo from the Power Puff Girls.

Side note: People have asked if I have a separate blog for anonymity. That can't be further from the truth. I am totally happy people realizing the two blogs are the same person. I did it more rather so I can focus on the trans/gender identity and possible LGBT/Hetero Society acceptance in one blog, and my other inane ramblings in another :)